I was not always healthy nor active, I lacked confidence in myself and for a long time, the belief that I needed to have in myself to change my health for the better. I was not always confident. I didn’t view myself as “worth it.” I was an emotional eater. I hated exercise. I dabbled in fad diets. Short term windows of motivation offered me some success but ultimately my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t have the right outlook or understanding of what it truly meant to treat my body as a temple and to honor the one who created it. Saving my calories all day for Cold Stone ice cream and Subway sandwiches (true story) didn’t lead to anything but a body that was hungry for nutrients and a mind that knew this wasn’t the answer. I was self sabotaging.
Growing up, I was never the "athletic" type. I carried a little extra weight and I did not care to be healthy. My childhood was one of staying out of the spotlight. I was not the popular girl in school. I kept to myself most of the time, but luckily, God brought a young boy into my life that loved me for me. I married my high school sweetheart while obtaining my degree in Education and Counseling, Educational, and Developmental Psychology. After years of letting myself go, struggle, miscarriage and depression, my husband and I had our first daughter. Immediately following her delivery in 2007, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. And within a month, I had to have my gallbladder removed. Needless to say, I was a wreck.
This wasn’t the picture of life I thought I would have.
Sixteen months later we had our second daughter. I started having migraines and was constantly tired. The excess weight was dragging me down and I continued to struggle with bouts of depression that led me to emotional eating. I tried exercise videos and dieting but nothing seemed to work as I slipped deeper into depression. The years following, I was good at faking it. I lost some of the baby weight but my body hurt. I would cry out to God and pray that something in me would change. Meanwhile, two years later, I became pregnant with my third girl. I had a very rough pregnancy being on bed rest and gaining over 60 lbs. We had her in spring of 2011 and one year later something inside me snapped. I was sick of being overweight and tired. I was tired of the sadness and lack of energy I had. I was tired of the headaches. I was tired of being so self-conscious in everything I wore, and in everything I did.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but it happened, the deep knowledge that I had to change.